Two Hail Marys and an Our Father
by ereshai
Summary: Written for this prompt - That one time where Cobb and Eames need disguises fast and there is only one cassock for a priest at hand - the other outfit is a nun's habit.


Written for a prompt on inception_kink on LJ.

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><p>Cobb and Eames hurried along the sidewalk, not quite shoving through the crowd of pedestrians strolling past the shops and restaurants. They turned a corner, increasing their pace until they were able to duck into an alley.<p>

"Think they saw us?" Cobb asked as he peered around the side of the building he was leaning against.

"We had a good start, we may have lost them," Eames replied as he, too, peeked out into the street.

"We've got to get back to the hotel. Are you familiar with this part of the city?" Cobb started walking toward the other end of the alley, Eames trailing behind him.

"Not precisely. But aren't all American cities basically the same?"

"Not helping. We have to get across town. We can't walk all the way back. We need to find a cab."

"Good luck with that at this time of day."

"Shit. Fine, we're walking, for now."

They walked through the city, Cobb turning at random corners, zigzagging their way in the general direction of their hotel. The business district gave way to homes with toy-littered front yards and older model vehicles parked on the street.

"We won't get a cab in this neighborhood unless we call -" Cobb began to speak when Eames suddenly yanked him behind a tall bush. "What the hell, Eames?"

"I thought I saw a familiar car. I'd rather not take any chances." Eames peeked through the leaves. "I don't think they saw us. They aren't coming this way."

"_If_ it's them."

"We need to disappear. Two blokes like us in this neighborhood? We stick out like sore thumbs." Eames looked around, then starting walking to the nearest house with a clothesline in the back yard. "I fancy a new wardrobe. You?"

"Fine, maybe you're right." Cobb hurried to catch up to him.

"I know I am, love."

The first yard they checked had bed sheets hanging on the line, the next had baby clothes.

"Doesn't anyone hang out their wash anymore?" Eames muttered as he walked to the next yard.

"Of course, what do call the sheets and the onesies?" Cobb looked over his shoulder, checking the street.

"I call that pretentious bullshit. People wanting their sheets to smell like sunshine, shite like that. Where are the actual bloody clothes that people actually bloody wear?" Eames kicked a crumpled pop can out of his way, sending it rattling across the pavement.

"Just keep looking. There has to be something we can use."

They finally hit paydirt at the end of the block. The house was surrounded by a ten foot tall privacy fence, but the gate was unlocked. When Eames stuck his head in the yard, he saw clothing rippling in the breeze.

"I think our luck has changed," he said, slipping inside. Cobb followed, pulling the gate closed behind them.

On the line hung several brightly colored sundresses, three bras and two shapeless pieces of black cloth that Cobb couldn't quite place as clothing.

"I don't think either of us can pull off spaghetti straps, Eames."

"Hang on, don't be so hasty. What's this?" He held up the black cloth. Cobb squinted at it.

"Is that…?"

"A cassock. You know, priests wear them." He jerked it off the line and grabbed the other one.

"Why does this woman have priests' robes?"

"Maybe she takes in washing. How should I know? We can use these." Eames held up the second set of robes. "Oh."

"What? What now?"

"It isn't a cassock." Eames tossed it over to Cobb.

Cobb held it up, noting the fuller skirt and lack of collar. "This better not be what I think it is."

Eames pulled a smaller black piece of cloth from the line and tossed it to Cobb. "I'm afraid it is. So, Sister Dom, shall we?"

"Why am I the nun? You should be the nun." He threw the habit and wimple back at Eames.

"I couldn't possibly. I haven't shaved in three days. You, however," he approached Cobb and shoved the bundle of fabric at his chest, "have cheeks as smooth as an infant's bottom. Obviously, you are the nun."

"This thing won't fit me. You're shorter, you should wear it. You can keep your head down; no one will notice the beard." Cobb made no move to take the habit, staring directly into Eames' eyes.

"Shorter by five bloody centimeters. You're slimmer, it will fit you better. These things are fairly large." Eames smirked. "I do wonder if these belong to a woman, after all. And I think they came from a costume shop."

Cobb attempted to glare Eames into submission a moment longer before responding. "Why would anyone…Never mind, I get it. Thanks for the image."

"At least we know they're clean. Just put the damn thing on." Eames shoved the bundle at his chest again.

"We'll play for it." Cobb held out his fist. "On three?"

"I don't know why you're doing this to yourself, Dom, you know I'm going to win." Eames tucked both costumes under one arm and held out his own fist. "On three."

Both men shook their fists as Cobb counted to three. Cobb kept his fist clenched, while Eames opened his hand, fingers spread apart in a V.

"Right, I win. Get dressed and let's go." Eames handed the habit to Cobb and started to pull the cassock over his head.

"What the hell? Rock beats scissors, Eames. _I_ win." Cobb tugged at the fabric, pulling it out of Eames' hands.

"I threw Spock, darling, and Spock vaporizes rock. _I_ win." Eames yanked the robes back and put them on.

"Spock? What? That's not even… What?" Cobb sputtered.

"You don't know rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock? Do you have a life at all?" Eames grinned at Cobb's confusion.

"Fine, best two out of three."

"Don't embarrass yourself, darling. Besides, I haven't got time to explain it to you. Put that habit on and let's get going." Eames crossed his arms and tapped his foot. "I haven't got all day, you know."

"I wish Arthur was here," Cobb muttered as he pulled the habit over his head.

"While I do think the dear old stick in the mud would make a stunning nun, that is completely beside the point."

"We will be discussing this later, Eames."

"Certainly, my child. But for now, I really think you should take a vow of silence. Let's go."

Eames opened the gate and walked confidently out onto the sidewalk, Cobb trailing reluctantly behind him.


End file.
